December 23

It is very early. Really early. But I cannot sleep and feel I need to write a Poem. But, I don't feel like it, so I am going to write what I feel, whether that may seem stupid or not, I would not know, as, I don't know. I am tired.
First, I guess I would like to talk about Mary, yes Mary... Mary is a name I have been hearing a lot lately. She is also a person I have talked to a lot recently. Lately, my life has been down in the ditches, or, I guess in the ruts, and I really wanted to leave those ruts. But, I couldn't. So I started talking to my friend Melissa, who I barely ever spoke to before. And, sadly, I never talk to her in school, for, unknown reasons. Like I am afraid, or something. But, anyways. We talked about anything, found out she had a new Love in her life, and, at the time, I was interested in Melissa, so, that was a downer. Well, she introduced me to Mary online. But before she did she described her to me: a sweet, pretty read-head with a lot of care in her Heart. Man, she sounded like a really nice girl. I was so happy for her. And, finally, we met online. And, we talked, and she was so sweet, and nice. She didn't care that I liked Melissa, or that is what she said, and talked to me about her passions and what not. I shared mine, too. Funny thing is, is that Melissa told me she left, and I didn't notice, I was so caught up in our conversation, Mary is a good talker. Well, I asked Melissa something, but calling her Mary and she says "You know this is Melissa right? Mary left." Well, I made a silly excuse, something like "Oh, I was talking to someone else, wrong box." Well, I was a little embarrassed.
Well, very shortly after, maybe a week or so? I am not quite sure, but, Melissa told me Mary and her had broken up. I felt real bad. So we talked. And, then, out of the blue, I get a nice IM Message from Mary. I was happy. I wanted to speak to her more.
Well, we talked. And, I first asked her for her MySpace. And she asked if I was going to become her stalker, and I jokingly said yes. We started talking from there. I remember calling her 'Hon' sometimes during that conversation, and I was pretty sure she felt uncomfortable with it.
During the conversation I asked about her break up with Melissa, and, she didn't want to explain, so she pointed me to her MySpace blogs. My computer was being slow, so I couldn't read them. But I did later on. It was very sad. But, we changed the subject quickly and we spoke about our passions and all of this great stuff about Music and Theatre (or is it Theater?), it was grand. I knew from that conversation on we were meant to be good friends, maybe even close friends. Well, we kept talking, it was fun. Well, it was finally getting late and we said our Goodnights, and she gave me her email because she said she'd love to talk though she couldn't be on AIM and also gave it to me just so I could reach her if I ever wanted to talk. I quickly gave her two emails of mine.
She shortly after logged-off after a long 'Goodnight Zack, Goodnight Mary' conversation. Well, I quickly raced to my email account and sent her an email, I am pretty sure memory remembers the subject tile: "Hi Mary, Just Thought I Should Beat You To It!" But, I am not really sure.
She emailed me quickly after and we talked some more. She told me to tell her some things about myself. So I did, I told her I was a Musician, and a Poet. She already knew I was a Musician, because of our Berklee College Chat and both wanting to go there, but she never knew I was a Poet. So she responded and asked for me to write her a Poem. I did. She liked it and then she gave me her Blogger link. I read every single one of her entries within a few hours. It was sad and funny. I quickly made my own. Then we said our final Goodnights, and I started to write on my blogger.
So, it has basically been the same since then, she constantly writing about me being "misunderstood by most" and other things. I agree with her. She definitely knows me. She knows my thoughts it seems. She is so Amazing. She says she is disappointed with her friends because of our friendship and them saying I am sketchy and scary. That is okay.
Well, things 'heated up,' I guess you could say, recently. Told her I wrote a song called "Mary" and wasn't going to ever use it because of several rumors of me being scary and sort of a stalker. If I played it people would think I was stalking her. Well, it wasn't even written for her, until I met her. Then I made it about her.
I showed it to her (by this time Mary had seen a few Poems of mine, also) and an early version, which, I am sorry Mary, was just made up because I didn't want you to think strange of me. Well, she said she liked the song.
Then I told her I had a bit of a Love Interest. She told me to give her hints. Finally, after several emails, I emailed her a Poem describing the girl. It was her. I could tell she was shocked. Man, I really thought she hated me, like she proved that all of those rumors were true. Well, I told her I meant Love as a very close friend, and maybe someday more. We talked it over, it is fine now. Later on, we said our Goodnights, and I noticed she slipped in "Love, Mary" in her emails to me. Maybe nothing significant, but to me it was. I had sent her "Love, Zackery" and "Love, Zack" several times.
Now it is a new day, and I got it all off of my mind... Well, the events. But, I am still confused. Do I like her THAT much? Or is she a just a close friend? I don't know, and I will let time tell, but, she is an Amazing girl, and, I know, I have said it before, but I Love Her To Death, that is how much of a friend she is to me. She means a lot to me.


Goodnight, and I hope you slept well Mary, and had good dreams. Remember, you are Beautiful... And, I do Love You, in some way, shape or form.


Love,
Zack.

Confusion in my mind, clouds cover my thoughts,
I am all over the place, I do not understand myself anymore,
is this love, creeping from the corners of my life,
or is it just someone who I see as a great friend.
It is Love.
I am just not sure of the form,
but I do know who it is for,
and it is you,
the girl with Blood Red Hair,
and a really cute smile.


Love,
Zack.